There are times when you really want to give up. You are tired of proving yourself to the world, done with all the failures and incapability. You have no idea why you are doing this. This burden of proving yourself gets heavier everyday. Your soul and mind aches under the enormous weight of challenges, lessons and experiences. You discover that the only struggle easier than today's was yesterday's.
It is not that you have not seen yourself succeed in life. But success never stays with you longer. It has to go away and you have to keep chasing it till you lose your breath and collapse to the earth. Every fall scars your face. The salt in those tears make the wounds even more painful. Getting up becomes impossible. The heart pounds hard against the rough rocks beneath you. The lungs cry out for air. When you look at the injured self, you make up your mind that may be It is time. You wish the heart stops or the lungs give in. You kill the mind already. But the body gasps, and in the mean time success goes farther away.
The earth you fall on soils your image, quakes to bring down the last ounce of self-confidence you had striven so hard to establish, and buries the thin line between self-respect and ego. The self-respect makes you believe you deserve a punishment, at least a solitary confinement in this world. The ego makes you refrain from the apology you owe. You believe that parents and friends should abandon you for this sin. But they don't.
They offer their hand to help you get up. You hate them for trusting a man like you. May be because you love them so much you fear failing them. But they have no reasons. They possess only faith, totally unconditional faith. They promise to walk with you till the end. They promise to hunt down this success you had always chased. They hold your trembling hand till the last judgment day, the day when fate announces in a grand ceremony, whether you won or lost.
You recall your worst nightmares when the special guests of the ceremony make their boring speeches. The environment makes you unable to decide between excitement and desperation. You evaluate your chances. May be it is possible. You think of the various ways to react if you win. The heart skips multiple beats. May be you are not going to make it. May be because you didn't listen to the speeches, may be because you weren't clapping, may be because you weren't humble enough. And then Fate announces,”First prize goes to IM-121 Omni-Desk”.
I thought it was a dream. Pinches pull you out of dreams. Hugs from Khudaah, Master and Dude pushed me into reality.
